I wondered about this too! I was so happy with the ways Yunxian’s grandmother was progressive for her time, and then I would be mad when she fell back in line with tradition in other ways. But I also think that made her a more believable, realistic character. I liked that at times, the author reminded us how different daily life was for Meiling and Yunxian, as that also added believability for me.  I do wish we had a little more insight into the thoughts of the grandmother as far as when she encouraged breaks from tradition (like the friendship) vs when she strictly followed it.